Apologies for the lack of posts recently. Combination of things including being very busy at work has meant that I’ve not had the brain space to blog. I must try harder.
We are several cycles into trying to get biomum pregnant. So far we have at least one suspected early miscarriage and lots of exciting two week wait symptoms but no positive pregnancy tests. The one false alarm (turned out the line was in the wrong place and was just an accumlation of indicator) did almost send me into a tail spin of trying to work how we are actually going to cope with having a child. I feel like we are trapped in this weird state of biological clocks ticking, with an awareness that it could take a while to be successful, whilst also not in any way being in the best position to actually have a child.
By ‘best position’ I’m talking about ideal scenario. We are in a much better state than some who have children and manage to cope. For the cautious soul I can sometimes be though, it is non-ideal. Equally, I am aware that there is never a right time and you have to take a leap of faith. I do worry that I won’t be able to provide for my family though. I feel a certain degree of pressure, not from anyone else or even noticeably from myself, I’m not sure where it comes from. It’s sort of ambient pressure I suppose. I’m not even sure I can articulate what the pressure is. I wonder if prospective fathers feel this, vague though it is?
In other news I still struggle with other people’s pregnancies. Not all of them by any means and I feel awkward about my feelings towards the others. I may explore this in another post but I’m failing to articulate it in an appropriate way right now.
I will hand the blog over to biomum at some point for her to note down some of her thoughts. Watch this space.